Daniel Childs

MY RELATIONSHIP APPROACH THEORY

Here I go, talking about relationships again.  But please note that everything I say in reference to relationships is well thought-out over mass amounts of time and tested to hold weight as truth.

Observe the above clip of “Date Mike”, portrayed by Office character Michael Scott, portrayed by actor Steve Carell.  Girls, would you want to go out with a baffoon like this?  Answer: of course not.

If you’re not an Office fan, this blog entry will not be something you 100% understand, but you’ll still get what I’m trying to say.

On NBC’s show The Office, there are a range of characters.  However, I want to only talk about two of them and I want to talk specifically about their approach to relationships with females, and which one I have discovered works.  This synopsis is based on my own personal observations and experiences.  Even if you don’t watch the show, this will make sense.

Michael Scott

While being an absolutely hilarious character (mainly due to his oblivious lack of understanding of the world), Michael has trouble with women.  Over the course of his seven seasons on the show, he dates a few different women, and even finds himself in a few committed relationships.  However, he never achieves his desire (which is building a life with a female and eventually having kids) until season 7 when he finally is reunited with Holly, a woman he’s loved for a long time… and unlike almost every other woman in the world, Holly loves Michael too.

Like myself, Michael is a creative type personality.  He is absolutely not happy unless he is working on something artistic, whether it be a movie, a book, or a comedy routine.  Michael is overflowing with creative energy, so much so that it effects his work, and effects his relationships, because his over-the-top personality scares people off… probably because they are either annoyed by him or don’t understand him.  I personally can relate to all these things, as can many other creative type people.

This should help you understand his approach to women.  When courting a female, Michael is constantly cracking jokes that are not funny, and doing spontaneous, crazy things in hopes to impress the woman he is out with.  Deep inside, he’s desperate, and often lets it show through his words and actions.  He lets his over-the-top personality come out on dates, and therefore he usually ends up saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, all the time.

The Michael Scott approach does not work.

Here’s why:

No woman is attracted to a man who makes a fool out of himself.  It’s simply not attractive.  In addition to this, if you let your mouth run and say everything that comes to your mind, you risk offending the female you’re with or exposing your idiotic nature.

Also, females are completely turned off by desperation.  A man who exudes the fact that he is desperate for a relationship is not appealing to them… most likely because they don’t think he has any strength to offer, or they think that he would be extremely clingy.

I have learned the hard way that having an over-the-top personality, like you see in the “Date Mike” video, just doesn’t work.  If you’re hyperactive like me and like Michael Scott, you need to tone it down a bit.  Don’t follow the impulse that compels you to be “different” or “unique”, because females can detect your lack of authenticity right away.

Jim Halpert

Character Jim Halpert is extremely laid back, and at times, even to a fault.  He is mostly lazy with his work (observe the solitaire game on his computer screen), and is constantly in a state of relaxation, which nearly keeps him from putting forth any ambition.  While I cannot relate to this personality type, I really admire it… I wish I could be that relaxed all the time… but I’m simply not wired that way.

On a personal level, Jim is a bit closed off.  He is very slow to reveal his emotions (as is made obvious when he waits until the end of season two to confess his feelings to Pam, whom he has loved for a number of years).  He is also slow to reveal what’s on his mind, and keeps most of his conversation focused on matters at hand.  

Jim, mentally, is super sharp, though.  He can see right through Michael Scott and people like him, but deep inside is a kind person and would never intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings.  Jim has limitless potential with his career because of his smarts, but for some reason, he chooses to take a relaxed approach to his career.

Jim’s approach to women is equivalent with his personality: relaxed.  He has a great amount of confidence, and is unafraid to approach a female and speak with her.  However, because of his relaxed nature, females often assume that he is nothing more than a friend.

Unlike his approach toward his job, Jim is actually very passionate when it comes to the one he loves (in this case, Pam Beasley).  You have to really study him to know that he is actually somewhat sentimental, and sometimes lets his emotions get the better of him, though he is extremely cautious to reveal his emotions.

The Jim Halpert approach works.

Why?

Women respond to sincerity.  Women respond to authenticity.  Women respond to sentiment.  These are all good things to exude in a relationship.

Though Jim’s approach to women is not flawless, it’s pretty dang good.  Girls like a guy who’s funny, and he’s a funny guy… but even more so, girls like a guy who has no pretense… a guy who can just be himself.   And Jim Halpert never ceases to relax and be himself.  

He doesn’t come on strong like Michael Scott or Tony Stark.  You have to be rich, famous, or extremely good looking to make coming on strong work.  But Jim doesn’t subscribe to it.  He’s relaxed, authentic, and passionate.  And it works.

Are my observations correct?

Yes, because I’ve seen them at play in my own life and in the lives of others.  I have been on both ends of the spectrum: the Michael Scott end and the Jim Halpert end.  And I have found that when I finally let go and stop focusing on myself, that’s when I find success.

When you are desperate and make it obvious by the way you act, you’re gonna run out of luck real fast.  You need to take a step back and ask yourself what qualities you would like in the opposite sex, and then try to work on having those qualities yourself.  Never overdo your personality approach.  Though you probably have a great personality, it you bring it to a girl’s attention too soon, you’ll scare her off.  Make your approach relaxed.

My purpose in this blog entry was to help struggling guys out by explaining this theory in a relatable way.